“Helicopter”ing

 

“Helicopter parenting” is defined by dictonary.com as “a style of child rearing in which an overprotective mother or father discourages a child’s independence by being too involved in the child’s life.”

I truly believe there are times in our child’s life where they need to be guided and protected. Especially a small child, baby, toddler, infant, etc…and I find this even more so in an urban setting where there are tons of people and cars all over the place.

I want my child to understand proper safety in a car, in a parking lot, when crossing the street, when engaging strangers (or not engaging strangers, in some cases), wearing a helmet on a bike, and so on. So in these cases, you can accuse me of “helicopter-ing.” I am ok with that.

All of these safety measures require for me to be actively present and aware. I need to be standing next to my daughter when crossing the street. I need to be standing next to my daughter when we are in a parking lot. I need to be standing next to my daughter and hovering over her when we are in a crowd.

However safety and educating a child is a far cry from hovering over a child while they have an opportunity for independent play with others their own age in a safe, supervised environment.

Let me give you an example:

Today I was at the library and it hit me. Almost every parent was being a helicopter parent. I was sitting in a chair watching my daughter from afar as she played and interacted with other children (“afar” is about 10 feet in this situation, as this is at a library play area). However, the other children were being shadowed by their parent(s) or being forced to play with said parent. I understand that there are times when this behavior may be appropriate such as there are no other children to play with and so the parent engages the child in play, the child has special needs, or the child is just learning to walk, and so on…but this was not the majority of parents that I observed. I truly try not to be judgmental towards the parenting styles of others…but this really struck me. I was the odd parent. I was the one sitting on the sidelines hoping someone would steal my daughter’s library toy, or she would steal theirs. I was hoping my daughter would engage another child, or another child would engage her and they would have a discussion about what to feed the baby doll. This play area was so small that I could literally see my daughter from 95% of the entire room…so what made me sit back and observe instead of “helicopter?” What makes other parents “helicopter” and not me, or do I do this and I don’t realize it?  When does a “helicopter parent” stop “helicoptering?” How does a kid grow up and know how to integrate into society as a functional adult if they have always had a parent standing over them? Shouldn’t we want our small kids to learn how to share, engage, sort out small issues, and play with others on their own?

I am not sure that I know the answer to these questions. But I was definitely pondering them in the library today…